Our raccoon came back this evening, knocking at our sliding door. We haven't seen him for a long while (maybe years), but he's been knocking on the doors a bunch recently.

Andrew (9): "Why does the raccoon knock?"

Michael (6): "Because he's knock-turnal." [Big grin, waiting for a laugh.]

A funny, scientifically correct pun. Scary.

Andrew (9): "Could I have an iPod? Maybe an iPod Nano?"

Us (two Microsoft employees): "Well, maybe for your birthday we can get you a Zune."

Andrew [confused]: "An iPod Zune?"

Um, I think we still have a long way to go on Zune awareness...

Michael (6) just said, "Daddy, you're my hero." Sure, it was just because I picked him up and helped him get another jar of his favorite jam out of the pantry, but it made my day. It's good to be a dad. (Of course I have no illusions about my place in the world.)

The other day I told Michael (6) that I love him. He replied, "I know when you'll stop loving me. When you're dead."

I have expected him to rip my still beating heart out of my chest right there with a grin on his face, but he went back to playing Lego Star Wars II (which the kids have already beaten since Christmas. Twice.)

We were out at 94 Stewart (fabulous, btw) for dinner the other night with the kids, Michelle's parents and Mike. I was chatting with the adults while Andrew (9) and Michael (6) played their Gameboys.

Casually, Michael asks me, "How do you spell die?" A little nervously, I reply. A few minutes later he asks "How do you spell surrender?" Eek.

Michael was writing out some kind of ransom note on his Gameboy. He's going to be the death of me.

Merry Christmas! Well, "Happy Boxing Day" is really more appropriate, I guess. Anyway, we had a very lovely, if lazy Christmas yesterday. Michelle's folks are visiting from Florida and Mike is here too, so we had a full house. Andrew (9) and Michael (6) got off to a mercifully late start (we had company over the night before, and I was up even later playing Santa Claus getting stuff ready.)

The hot stuff for the boys continues to be Legos (especially Bionicle related), video games, and Pokemon stuff (popular again, after a brief affair with Yu-Gi-Oh). Especially popular are combinations of the above like Pokemon Mystery Dungeon for Gameboy DS, Star Wars Legos, and the penultimate combination" the video game Lego Star Wars II. The boys also got an Xbox 360 from Santa. We're not the first ones on the block with a 360, but I finally gave in. (I also admit it was as much for me.)

In addition to the Xbox, I had a prosperous Christmas: a nice Riedel wine decanter I've wanted for a while, the The West Wing season seven DVD set, Avenue Q: The Book (Avenue Q is quite possibly my favorite musical I've never seen, the amazingly fun Table Tennis for Xbox 360, some nice wine, and a Nordstrom's gift card. Good stuff.

Of course, Christmas isn't just about the stuff. It's about the food (you thought I was going to say something mushy about family, brr brr brr right?) We had beignets for breakfast, and I made potato chips using the deep frying oil again (damn, those are good - I'll post the recipe soon.) We also took another go at the Honeybaked ham we had for dinner Christmas Eve along with more yummy greens, and macaroni and cheese. (I don't care what anyone says. Twelve pounds of ham is essentially an infinite quantity of ham. It is too much for any sized event. Jesus wouldn't have had to mess with loaves and fishes if he had a twelve pound Honeybaked ham, pork issues not withstanding.)

Tummies full from too much food and eyes glazed over from too much Viva Pinata, we collapsed at the end of day happy. It was a good Christmas. Hope your's was too.

[2006-12-26 Fixed typo]

At dinner this evening, Michael (6) looked at us with great sincerity and said, "I think I know how to overthrow a government."

Long silence.

This is not typical dinner conversation for a six year old, but then, Michael has never been typical. But, of course I had to ask, "well, how would you do it?"

He then proceeded to describe how he'd have some run in front of a governmental leader yelling "Help!!" to distract them while an airplane dropped barrels of bombs on the leader.

He then sat back with a satisfied look, knowing his plan was infallible.

Watch out world...

This weekend in Whistler, Michael (6) had a few doozies as he got upset at me for not letting him do one thing or another.

First, I told him to put away his Gameboy:

Michael: "If you take away my Gameboy, I'll kill you."
Me: "Would you really kill me over your Gameboy?"
Michael: "No, I would just kick you in the nuts."

Yeek. (Just for the record, I did not teach him this. I think it's something he learned at school...)

Then, in another incident of which the details are lost to time, he grew frustrated and couldn't think of anything to say to me except, "Besides, you're the worst driver in the family."

In both cases, I had to solo parent since Michelle was useless, laughing too much to be a credible disciplinarian. Of course, I had no idea what to say after each of these, making me useless too. Oh well.

Andrew (9) told me this joke today. It's somewhat remarkable because it's actually kind of funny. Most of his jokes aren't.

Scene: Cloud City of Bespin during the light saber duel
Darth Vader: "Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas."
Luke Skywalker: [obvious anguish] "How could you know?!"
Darth Vader: "I can sense your presents."

Ba dum dum. Splish.

Andrew (9) declared today that when he's older, he wants to make bacon art. "I want to pile up bacon, add more bacon, and then frame it to sell in art galleries."

Brings a tear to my eye. It's great to be a dad.